Believe Again
by KamesShipper
Summary: James just needs a little love.Question is,who is willing to give him that?
1. Prologue

I want to tell you my story. The story of a shy abandoned kid who wanted nothing in this rotten world but love. Yeah, that's right. Love. The only thing in this life that give us the good kind of pain. The only thing worth both fighting and dying for.

But for me, I wake up every day hoping to feel just a little tiny bit of it, but it never happened and probably never will.

I'm kind of labelled as loveless. Well, only I call myself that. Pretty absurd, but it's the truth. I'm loveless and I'll tell you why. Just bear my life story if you can.

Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you my name. I'm James. James _Loveless_ Diamond.

AN: I don't know if I should continue. Please let me know if you want to see what I've got in store for this story. Anyways, a big shout out for Rhett9 who wrote The Prince And The Pauper and therefore inspiring me to write this story. I love you so much for writing it.


	2. The Cruel Facts

AN: I'd like to thank you all for the story alerts and favourites. I'm really glad you liked it.

I consider myself an orphan even though I'm just disowned by my parents. You're probably wondering why. It's simply because I like dicks and not tits, I like guys and not girls. It's because I'm gay. I'm a disgusting faggot, _their words not mine_.

I got kicked out of my house when I was 15 and now I'm now 17 years old. It was hard to live on my own at first but you get used to being homeless and lonely with the time.

I used to have friends, plenty of them, but it turned out that they only liked me for my money or better yet my parents' money and my looks. None of them liked me for me which is why they left me on my own the second they knew about my sexual orientation and me being disowned.

I now go to a public high school instead of a private one. And though nobody here knows about me being disowned and gay, I still get bullied and tormented for my appearance and of course being 'Too pretty to be a boy' by mostly the three hockey players who rule this high school. Kendall Knight, Logan Mitchell and Carlos Garcia.

In this hell hole, I'm just considered their play thing, their punching bag and according to what they say it's all I'm good for and even though I know it's not true, those words hurt more than their kicks and punches ever could.

Kendall Knight is the tallest of them; he is about 5'9. He has beautiful soft blonde hair, with shining green eyes to match. He also has pale skin that literally shines in the sunlight. He is every gay guy and every girl walking wet dream .His voice is the softest voice I've ever heard in my life which makes me always wonder if he likes singing like me.

Logan Mitchell is around 5'5 .He has spiked black hair and chocolate-brown eyes, he is very pale. It kind of suits him but not like my Kendall. He is very smart but unfortunately he uses that for his own advantages.

And lastly, Carlos Garcia, the shortest one of them, he is about 5'4. He has short black hair, with brown eyes. He also has caramel skin. He's like addicted to doing stunts which is probably why he is always wearing his hockey helmet.

No one could ever be compared to Kendall Knight, in my eyes he was perfection despite him being a complete douche bag.

I seriously have no idea what I did to provoke the three of them; I don't know what I did to make them hate me so much. I swear I could see pure hatred in their eyes which brings me nightmares when I sleep that is if I ever sleep at all. I really want to end this misery and just kill myself, I mean it's not like anybody would miss the homeless gay kid, but I refuse to give them the satisfaction by giving them what they want. I'll fight and I'll do my best to be remembered in this world by not the homeless disowned gay kid but by James Diamond the guy who fought and won a rough battle and became the most successful homosexual he could ever be.

But for now, all I can do is manage to get through high school and then of course follow my undying dream of being a singer. With these thoughts in mind, I pulled my blanket and with a smile upon my lips tried to get some sleep so I can face a harsh school day tomorrow praying to make it alive for yet another day.


	3. The Unlucky Boy

I thank the heavens everyday for finding this abandoned house. At least I have a roof over my head, and luckily now I'm not a homeless and I don't sleep on the streets which I used to before I found my new home.

It's time for school, I have a feeling that this day will suck badly. I mean I barely slept last night. I'm so not ready to get bullied today. Please god, I know my luck is terrible but help me avoid them for just today.

It's already lunch time and I haven't seen them, maybe my luck is getting better after all, maybe I won't go home beaten up today…maybe I-

"Hey Kendall, there's the fag."

Spoke too soon, I knew this was too good to be true. Well, it was nice while it lasted. Just brace yourself James.

"Oh yeah, how are you today cocksucker?" Kendall said as coldly as possible.

I chose not to answer which was a bad idea because Carlos slapped me as he spat at me:"He asked you a fucking question homo."

"I-I'm fine…" I managed to stutter out while looking at the ground not daring to look in their hatred filled eyes. I hated this so much. I fucking hate what they do to me. I fucking hate that I can't stand up to them. I fucking hate that I can't fight back but mostly I hate my fucking life.

"Wrong answer, pretty boy" Said Logan, laughing.

"Of course it's the wrong answer, you know why stupid? Because as long as you're a filthy faggot you're NEVER gonna be fine" Said Kendall through a harsh laughter soon joined by the students in the school lunchroom.

Ouch, that hurts, it hurts so bad knowing that Kendall was the one to say it. This proves that he won't ever love me like I love him, this means that I can just stop getting my hopes up, this means that I'm not worthy of him and never will be. By the time this thoughts poisoned my head, I was already crying.

"Awe, look guys the faggot is crying" Carlos said, laughing. I quickly shook my head trying to both say no and to stop the tears from falling.

"Don't cry you little bitch, we didn't even beat you …yet." Kendall sneered out while Logan and Carlos poked me commanding me to stand up.

"P-Please n-not t-t-today K-Kendall…" I stuttered out still unable to stop the tears from falling, I sounded so pathetic but I knew what was coming the second they started humiliating me. It always comes down to this. After their insults, they always beat me up leaving me black and blue with blood stained already rugged and torn clothes. I thought that after a year of this torment, I'll get used to it but my hopes were in vain because I'm still hurting.

"Shut your filthy mouth bitch. DON'T EVER SAY MY FUCKING NAME AGAIN, UNDERSTOOD?" Kendall yelled, making me flinch in fright. I chose to answer this time.

"Y-Yes." I whimpered scared shitless of what was going to happen next.

"Good boy, but just to make sure I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget." Kendall said with a dark chuckle that made my fast heart pace get even faster.

"Meet us in the ice rink after school pretty boy. Don't be late and don't you dare not show up…or else." Logan said, taunting me, as he also used the same dark chuckle as Kendall.

I didn't dare to question what 'or else' meant because I knew exactly what it meant, so I just nodded my head not daring to say another word.

"Great, see you later queer." Said Carlos right before the school bell rang.

**AN: I'm still not completely sure where I'm going with this but I hope you like it so far otherwise I'll stop.**


	4. What The Hell?

**AN: Sorry my dear readers, I've been struggling with writer's block aka my worst enemy but now I'm cured and luckily I can update to satisfy your needs. :)**

Like the cold breath of a grave, their threat seemed to cut my very soul. I didn't know what will happen to me after school and the clock ticking is driving me crazy. Why can't time just be frozen for just this one time? Why can't I be lucky enough this time to escape my inevitable death? Why god? Why?

I'm now at English class, just fifteen more minutes before I'm doomed, I can already see those death-like eyes, devoid of all emotions staring at me while beating the hell out of me…I can already feel the pain that's going to occur in fifteen minutes…_fifteen minutes_…it just kept repeating in my head like a broken in record until I was snapped out of my thoughts by Dak Griffin our principal's son…He was passing me a note…Why would one of the most popular guys at school be even talking to me?…Maybe it's some kind of a trick..Don't open the note James...Don't. My mind kept talking me out of this but my curiosity took the better of me so I opened the note.

**Hi James :)**

What the hell is going on? Why is he greeting me? Why did he even put a smiley face? Don't buy it James… Don't believe him, he might be helping the enemy…_**DO NOT TRUST HIM…**_Now just pretend that you aren't scared of him and reply to his note.

**Not to be rude, but why are you talking to me? ….**Yeah that sounded good so I gave it to him after making sure not to get caught by the teacher of course.

**This might sound weird coming from me, but I kind of like you James**...kind of like me? Fuck… How can he say that? What kind of mind game is he playing? He hates my guts…I should know. I recall him saying that on the first day I got admitted to this school…

**Kind of like me? I recall you saying you hate me…am I missing something?** Ha what are you gonna say to that?

**Look James, I know you probably won't ever forgive me for treating you as badly as the three of them, but I'm really sorry. It hurts me to see you hurting…it kills me James. I can see sadness, fear and pain in your beautiful hazel eyes. Please James I beg of you to let me in, to let me love you. Be my boyfriend?**

Oh my god…how could he say that?…Beautiful eyes! Love! Boyfriend! Sorry! …why is he doing this to me? Why do I have this feeling that I'm being played? He's obviously sincere… I should forgive him but being his boyfriend, how can I do that when I'm in love with someone else? …. _Yeah,someone else who will never love you_…shut up brain….

**Honestly Dak I'm shocked, I mean up till today I thought you hated me with fiber in your being and now all of the sudden you're asking me to be your boyfriend and to let you love me. I just can't swallow all of this especially that I'm scared shitless now of what's going to happen to me later.**

Great…the school bell… he didn't even get to reply to my last note and now I can't talk to him because I have to literally run to the death grip…

"James, Can I talk to you?" I heard Dak hesitantly ask…I really wanted to stay but…well you know the reason.

"Dak, I'd love to but I really have to go" I said in a hurry and even though I was shaking in fear I didn't even stutter…and with that I rushed to the door…but what he said next made my stomach turn to ice, the terror of somebody knowing about _it_ held me like a vice-like grip.

"I know all about your secret James, I know about you being disowned. I know that you're the only heir to your mother's cosmetics company or rather were."

"H-How?" I didn't even realize I could still talk in this paralyzed state.

"Come on James, I'm the principal's son I know this kind of things. But don't worry. I will not use it to blackmail you or anything. I just want one thing from you." Of course, the principal knew about me thanks to my so called parents' connections….but you know what? Whatever I've been doing fine and he's obviously being honest with me…so I have nothing to be worried about, right?

"What do you want from me?" I've decided to play dumb but I was well aware of what he wanted.

"I said it earlier James, I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to teach me about love. I want you to show me that no matter how painful and suffocating it maybe, it will still be worth it at the end as long as we have each other." I really wish that Kendall was the one to say these beautiful things to me, but Dak now that I notice kinda looks like Kendall, I mean the blonde hair and the almost greenish eyes….but can I really fall for Dak when all I'm doing right now is comparing him to Kendall?

"I-I don't know what to say." I told him truthfully because I honestly didn't.

"Just say yes…please." Said Dak, with eyes practically begging for me to say yes….so I did.

"Y-Yes." I said stuttering…but saying yes didn't feel bad…it felt good…too good to be true.

"Really?" He didn't expect that…I can't blame him, I didn't see this coming either but you know what Dak, you got yourself a boyfriend.

"Really…but how can I know for sure that I can trust you Dak?" I'm really that insecure, sorry Dak you can regret asking me to be your boyfriend now.

"I will go with you." He said almost I soon as I finished my question, but what the hell is he talking about?

"Go with me?...Where?"

"To the ice rink…I will not allow them to lay a finger on your beautiful body anymore….Would that prove my love and loyalty James?"

"I guess it would."

"Good then…let's go…we're kind of late."

**3****rd****'s person POV:**

It seems like a certain smart brunette was eavesdropping, but luckily for James he still doesn't know about his dark secret but he sure as hell knows about James and Dak being together.

"Fuck, Kendall is not going to like this." Mumbled Logan under his breath wishing he didn't have to be the bearer of _really bad news_.


	5. All The Things He Said

**AN: I highly doubt that I'm able to update tomorrow so I've decided to update now, hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Logan's POV:

We're currently in the ice rink waiting for James to show up and of course the unexpected and unwanted guest Dak but only I knew about Dak showing up. I've decided not to tell Kendall after all…I mean he will just know when James and Dak walk through that door …therefore I won't be the one making him mad…but I'm really worried about him…I know that only me and my Carlitos know about him being hopelessly in love with the pretty boy that it kills him every time that he bullies him. I probably said too much already, all will be revealed in good time…At least I hope so.

James' POV:

I can't believe that Dak is going to help me, I can't believe that somebody in this hell hole is finally standing up to me. He's definitely going to earn my trust after the encounter in the ice rink. I don't know why but I keep having this heavy pain in my heart…feels like it's aching and telling me that I shouldn't fully trust Dak,I shouldn't let my guards down…but also which is weird my brain is agreeing with my heart for once….But whatever, I should just let him help me…what harm could it do if I felt loved and saved for once in my life even if it's a lie I won't care right now…I'm that desperate for a little affection and will do anything and I mean anything to have some.

"Are you okay?" Dak asked me interrupting my inner turmoil.

"Yes I am." I told him, I knew it was a lie but I couldn't just let him know that I can't fully trust him, I couldn't let him know that he's not the one to fill the void in my heart.

"That's awesome, I'm glad that I have you now." He said smiling sweetly at me so I returned a fake smile so he wouldn't be suspicious.

"Me too Dak, really." James you filthy liar no wonder you're a disowned gay unloved child, no wonder the love of your life hates your guts, no wonder that you don't deserve love you liar….I hate this voice in my head always poisoning my thoughts, always making me cry but I couldn't shed tears right now, not in front of Dak…

"That's good to hear." Said Dak with the exact same sweet smile, what a great guy, why do you like me Dak? You'll regret it eventually, everybody did, my so called parents, my so called friends …_**EVERYONE**_.

We made it to the ice rink, I was a bit shaking with fear but Dak patted my back encouraging me to open the door and go for it…and also telling me to go first so he would make his entrance a surprise for them.

"James, I knew you would come. But seriously, 5 minutes late…that isn't going to make us go easy on you as planned." Said Kendall with an evil smirk that made chills go down my spine back and forth.

"I don't care anymore, _Kendall_." I worked up some courage because I deep down knew that Dak was going to help me…anytime now.

"What the fuck did I say about not saying my fucking name ever ag-"Kendall said, voice dripping in venom but he was luckily interrupted by Dak.

"Shut it Knight." Said Dak as he made his entrance making me smile because he showed up as promised.

"D-Dak, what in the fuck's name are you doing here with _this fag_ none the less?" Kendall sneered out saying the word fag as if it was the most disgusting word ever.

"I SAID SHUT IT, and he's not a fag. He's my boyfriend." Dak said possessiveness dripping within his words making my stomach churn in happiness.

"_Boyfriend_? What do you mean by _boyfriend_?" Carlos said hissing with complete rage and anger…looking like he just blew a gasket.

"Come on Carlos, I know that you're not the brightest crayon in the box, but are you really that dumb?" Dak said giving him an evil smile that said _'yeah I went there'_….

"Don't call him dumb you Jackass." Logan said defending his _friend?_

"Awe, that's so sweet. You're defending your _Carlitos_, _Logie-Bear_?" Said Dak turning his sweet voice to suddenly an evil voice that made me think…_he knows something that I don't_.

"H-How?…W-Why?….W-What?" Stuttered Logan shaking with fear feeling like his most well hidden secret is exposed in front of Dak…_Déjà vu_.

"Are you gonna finish any of those questions ?" Said Dak sarcasm obvious in his voice.

"Dak…stop it already…why are you doing this?" Said Kendall while trying to comfort his friends.

"Simple my naïve little Kendall, Revenge…" Said Dak with a dark chuckle…okay I'm lost, let's rewind, he just said _revenge…_ what the fuck is going on with Dak?

"Revenge?" Asked Kendall confused as hell just like I am…answers Dak…I need answers.

"Yes, revenge for breaking my sister's and my friend's hearts." Dak stated, I could detect evil in his voice…but now that I remember, Kendall did date Mercedes Dak's twin and also Jo Taylor Dak's best friend.

"What does that have to do with you intimidating my friends and mostly why should I care that you're dating that little bitch over there?" ….why kendall? Why do you always have to make me feel worse than I already feel why can't you just let me be for once…is me being gay really this bad, that it makes you hate me so much…but it's not like I can control it, I was born this way…why can't people just understand this fact?

"Cut the act Kendall, we both know pretty well that you love him." Love me? yeah right…maybe you do Dak but Kendall will never love me even if the hell freezes and the pigs fly.

"Love him? Don't make me laugh Dak…I wouldn't love him even if I were gay, I wouldn't even love him if he was the last person on earth…I mean how could I possibly love a guy with beautiful mesmerizing hazel eyes, with soft silky hazelnut hair, with amazingly build body, with a beautiful soft angelic voice… how could I love a sweet innocent guy that endured my bullying and my harsh insults for years…. How could I love a beautiful person inside and out, how could I love such guy? how could I love the amazing James Diamond"...what's going on am I dreaming did the Kendall Knight just said that…oh god..this is really happening…oh god oh god oh god….

"Kendall…"Said Logan trying to calm the rumbling blonde.

"WHAT?"

"You just…" Started Carlos but was immediately interrupted by Kendall.

"Oh now, J-James..I'm…I-I-I…." Said Kendall stuttering unable to find the right words in this current situation.

"It's fine, r-really….I'm fine…e-everything's fine…I-I gotta go….I will see you tomorrow Dak." I ran out the door without looking back still shocked of what just happened, of what I just heard and ignoring anyone calling my name to come back…but I couldn't because I had to go_ home_ now…this was too much for me to handle in only one day.


	6. His Excuse?

Kendall's POV :

The pain was beating on me like a drum. I guess I just bottled up my emotions for too long that I couldn't hold it in anymore. I wasn't able to control what came out of my mouth. It seemed like Dak pushed me too far that I confessed to James without even having the ability to stop myself from talking. I just kept my feelings hidden in my heart for too long, I've never fell hard for anyone before but I knew it was love at first sight ever since I laid my eyes on the beautiful James Diamond.

The poor guy was way too shocked that he ran away in tears, I can't say that I blame him due to the fact that I've been hurting the one I love deeply and truly for too long, always pushing him to crying and constantly insulting him. But in my defense I was forced to do so because I couldn't possibly ruin my reputation and my mostly my family image by being gay because according to them homosexuals should be dead and burned in hell. I feel like shit because I have to be perfect for them, I have to obey them. It's like I'm living just to please them. They would get rid of me as soon as they know about my sexual preference. I would be homeless and I couldn't possibly handle that. No teenager alive could live through the pain of being disowned by his own parents and obliged to live on the streets. My dream of being a famous hockey player would go down the drain and I just can't endure , I have to make things right.I have to apologize to James. No matter how hard it's going to be this must be done.

**AN: There's a lot more to come. I'm sorry that this is way too short for your liking. I just wanted to update so bad and my mom keeps telling to shut down my computer and go to sleep because it's '**_**a school night'**_**….anyways please review, it would make me happy.**


	7. How Could I Have Been Such A Fool?

I must've been hallucinating maybe fear made me hear all of those things that Kendall said….who am I kidding? I heard him right. He said that he loved me well he didn't exactly say _I love you James Diamond_…But he said and I quote: '_I mean how could I possibly love a guy with beautiful mesmerizing hazel eyes, with soft silky hazelnut hair, with amazingly build body, with a beautiful soft angelic voice… how could I love a sweet innocent guy that endured my bullying and my harsh insults for years…. How could I love a beautiful person inside and out, how could I love such guy? How could I love the amazing James Diamond'…_I never thought I would live to see the day when someone says those things about me, let alone the **Kendall Knight.**

I'm trying to convince myself that he didn't say that but I can't…if he really thought I'm beautiful, if he really loved me then why would he hurt me so bad…I know he must be a closet gay but did he really have to act like a homophobic pig..I mean I didn't do that to gay people when I was still a closet gay…this really brings back bad memories all back to the day I decided to come out to my parents thinking foolishly that they would still love me no matter what.

_**~Flashback~**_

_"James don't just go around joking about this."_ _My mother said thinking I wasn't being serious about this._

_"I'm not joking mom, it's true."_ _I replied…still hoping she would accept the ugly truth._

_"It can't be true James we raised you better than this."_ _My father said still not bothering to look away from his laptop...of course his business was better than me…his own son._

_My family was one of wealthiest in Minnesota due to the fact that my mom owns this huge cosmetics company and my father being one of the best business men in the U.S.A. It was sorta hard to live here without being unnoticed...but now that I've decided to suck it up and come out to them I'm getting really scared._

_"I can't help it dad, I know you guys raised me well but this is who I am."_ _I said, beginning to tremble and I knew that right now I was in the danger zone because they both looked up to meet my eyes and boy it was like seeing the devil._

_"So you're one of those things now."_ _My mother said, the look in her eyes made me feel more terrified if that was even possible._

_"W-what's that supposed to mean?"_ _I stuttered out, trying to hide the fact that I wasn't scared._

_"She means that you're a filthy faggot and no longer our son." My dad hissed coldness was evident in his poisonous words…but that word...I never thought that my dad would say that about anyone but there he said it to me._

_"P-please don't do this! I am still me I just like guys…it doesn't change who I am I'm still James Diamond your son."_ _I said unable to control the tears making their journey down my face._

_"Not anymore." My mother growled…I felt worthless, my mom said that, my mom used to say that she loves me…but apparently not anymore._

_"As of this moment we're cutting you loose. You can take your stinking guitar and your disgusting gay clothes with you and we will burn the rest of your belongings, we don't want anything to remind us of you."_ _Dad said, staring me down like I was some trash and not his son, which I guess I'm not anymore..._

_"You can't do this to me"_ _I whispered enough for them to hear still not believing they just disowned me, they were supposed to love me. They're my family for crying out loud._

_"We can and we just did…just keep in mind that it's your fault for choosing to be a fucking fag."_ _My mom said, each word dripping with more and more hatred and venom. I had never heard my mom being this cruel._

_"B-But I-I didn't choose this, I was born this way" I stuttered out, trying to convince them to not let me go but I knew in my now broken heart, that I couldn't. Their mind was already made._

_"And don't even bother going to that expensive private school anymore. Your mother and I will make sure you go to a public school; we have friends in high places James. We will make sure you suffer there….and we'll also make sure that your friends know about everything...I can already see the disappointment they will have."_ _My father spat out in pure disgust._

_"Please mom, say something!"_ _I said, tears still running down my face._ _Now I was truly scared, they're ruining my reputation and they're throwing me to some public school…why did they have to be rich and famous,why did I have to be their son?_

_"__**Please mom say something**__…get out of my face James."_ _My mom said mocking me._

_She didn't help me; she just sent another blow to my heart. Making it break even more._

_"Your heard your mother James, Get out of our faces and good luck finding a job." My father said coldly..._

_How could they do this to me? I thought that they loved me enough to accept the truth but I was way wrong because here they are kicking me out of the house and hating me for being gay._

_"I believe it's time for you to leave now, we will have the guards getting you your things. Just go wait at the door and we better not see you here again James!" Dad told me authority present beneath each syllable uttered._

_I looked at them one last time and then closed my tears-filled eyes, chocking back the sobs. I had shut my eyes tighter hoping to wake up from this nightmare._  
><em>"Get the fuck out you faggot!"<em> _I heard my father yell out making my eyes snap open as I ran out of their sight._

_**~End of flashback~**_

**AN: I'm really sorry for taking so long to update, but you know school work and everything….I've been really busy and I still am but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed…And if you guys haven't checked my new story 'Falling inside the black' please do :) It's also a Kames story….just saying :p**


	8. No Such Thing As Love

**Hey guys, please don't kill me. I just lost inspiration concerning this story but I've kinda got it back. So yay for me :)**

**I love all of you rushers out there and thanks for reading my stories. I really appreciate it.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned BTR but sadly I don't.**

**On with the story ^^**

* * *

><p>Hot tears were now staining James' rosy cheeks as he remembered that dreadful day. The day when he was abandoned and practically left for dead by his own family. Quicky but gently, he wiped off his tears by the hem of his sleeves. James has suffered enough for 2 years,he went through a tough phase of being hated and rejected by his parents. And on top of that, being bullied in his school for his appearnce and the harsh fact that he was gay. If God truly hated the gays then why did he make them ? Is it some kind of twisted logic so that they would get through life suffering and end up burning in hell?<p>

It's just so hard to bear all of this with being a teenager. He was supposed to be having the time of his life; celebrating his birthdays and having a loving family to support him every step of the way. He wasn't supposed to be living in an abandoned place, sleeping on a worn out mattress, showering with cold water in the Minnoseta icy weather. He wasn't supposed to be starving for days and crying himself to sleep. But mostly, he wasn't supposed to feel unloved. Love? There's no such thing. It's just something that some fools made up to so they can have sex without being cruelly judged.

Love is just a myth like tooth fairies,Santa..etc. No such thing as love exists. Period.

Pain. Now that was something realistic. In fact, it was the only thing that James was feeling right now and for the past couple of years. Both physical and emotional, but at this exact moment, since he luckily escaped the daily beating he was just feeling an excoriating emotional pain,his head was throbbing from crying so much, his eyes were red and puffy and his mouth was dry. Unfortunately for him, he had no water to drink or food for that matter. His heart was thrashing violently in his chest as he once again remembered Kendall's words.

_How could I love a beautiful person inside and out, how could I love such guy? How could I love the amazing James Diamond?_

Poor Kendall, he was just probably mesmerized by the pretty boy's appearance because there was no denying that James Diamond was one hell of a beautiful boy. It was as if he was sculpted by the Greek Gods themselves. Everything about him was just simply hypnotizing from his silky brown locks to his pale complexion to his hazel eyes and his well built body.

Kendall couldn't love James, Nobody loves James and even if they said they did, they would be lying. James learned that the really hard way and there was no way in hell he was going to let his guards down to anybody not even his current boyfriend,not to anyone. It would be a true miracle if somebody made James believe in love again because right now that word was foreign to him and had no sense whatsoever.

Humming a song to himself, James slowly drifted off to a dreamless sleep and that was the way he liked it. Only darkness surrounded him in his peaceful slumber. If only the same darkness could surround him in reality. If only...

* * *

><p>"Morning babe." Dak said as he hugged James from behind and kissing his right cheek.<p>

"Hi Dak." James said as he tried to enjoy the physical contact forom his current boyfriend and come to think about it his first boyfriend, Don't get me wrong, he had plenty of girlfriends before bacuse he was trying to desperately hide his sexuality but Dak was his first boyfriend.

"So about yesterday..." Dak trailed on with a worried look as he finally spun James around to meet his gorgeous hazel eyes but for some reason they looked kind of dull,emotionless and lifeless as if this James was just a shell with no soul.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." James assured his worried boyfriend but the truth is he wasn't. He was far away from fine but fine is just something we say to avoid further questions and interventions. Those things are totally uncalled for.

"Are you sure? I mean, I can kick his ass for you." Dak suggested with a smirk because he honestly hated the blond hockey head.

"That won't be neccesarry, but I appreciate it." James said as he let out a careless laugh.

"Okay...um... Can we go on a date this Saturday?" Dak asked whilst careesing James' cheeks.

"D-Date?"

"Yeah, I mean we're together now. We're supposed to go on dates,right?" Dak asked as he now wore a frown on his face, he really liked the brunette and he really wanted to go on a date with him.

"Yeah,great. That would be awesome."

"So, I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Later babe." Dak said as he kissed James' left cheek and gave him a warm hug muttering what sounded suspiciously like " I love you" in his ear.

"Bye." James whispered after Dak let go of him and made his way to his class leaving James standing alone by his locker.

* * *

><p>"Hey James, wait up." James was making his way to class as he suddenly froze at the sound of Kendall. <em>Keep walking James before that pretty face won't be pretty anymore<em>. But he litterally couldn't move a muscle in his paralyzed situation until Kendall grabbed him by the arm and led him to the boys' restroom. James started thrashing around trying to get out of Kendall's hold but to no avail. _Told you to keep moving your sorry ass_.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, please just listen to me." Kendall said as he loosened his grasp and held James' face between his sweaty palms.

"O-Okay." James stuttered out as he looked down to the ground and kept staring at it as if it was the most important thing in the world._ Anything to avoid eye contact? Smart move James_.

"I'm sorry... about everything." Kendall said,his voice shaking from being too close to James and from fear of what he was about to do to James.

"Apology accepted, please let go of me." James half heartedly muttered,still refusing to meet Kendall's eyes.

"Please James, let me make it up to you." Kendall pleaded, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. Why wouldn't James look him in the eyes. Oh that's right, he's scared shitless of him.

"You don't have to do that. I honestly forgive you." James mumbled,still trying to free himself from Kendall's grasp " Please, I'm gonna be late to class."

"I know that sorry can't fix everything, but I'll try James. Please" Kendall pleaded once again as tears were starting to fall down his pale, pink-tinted cheeks.

"You're forgiven kendall,I don't hold a grudge now plea-" James started talking as he was cut off by Kendall's lips on his mouth. He wanted to kiss back but he couldn't,his mind and his body were both frozen. He has dreamt about this for so long that he now couldn't believe it was actually happenning. Kendall Knight was really fucking kissing him.

"I love you James... God, I'm in love with you." Kendall confessed as he pulled away disappointed and embarrassed from the kiss.

"K-Kendall...I don't...I-I-I"

"Please don't say you don't feel the same way, please" Kendall looked into his dead hazel orbs,his vision blurred from his own tears to even realize that the other teen has started crying as well.

"I'm sorry." James said breaking Kendall's fragile heart with his words as said boy freed him from his grasp and thus allowing him to leave the restroom.

"James..."


	9. Believe Again

"Are you alright James? You've been distracted for the entire day." Dak asked offering the sad looking boy a warm smile.

"I'm fine Dak, really." James muttered while playing with the food that Dak bought him. It was lunch time and he haven't had a decent meal in a really long time but he was distraught that he just couldn't bring himself to eat.

"Why don't I believe you? Did something happen?" Dak wondered as he gave James a skeptical look.

"N-nothing happened" James stuttered as pictures of his previous encounter with Kendall flooded his mind.

"You're stuttering and shaking now. Did Kendall hurt you because I swear to go-" Dak growled but was soon cut off by James's weak voice.

"He didn't Dak, please just drop it."

"Then please tell me what's wrong" Dak pressed still determined to find out the reason behind James's sad features.

"Just a bit stressed is all."

"Okay" Dak whispered as he gave up his interrogation for the time being.

"Hey James, _Dak_." Kendall said as he slowly and cautiously approached their table.

"What do you want?" Dak hissed as he gave a cold glare towards Kendall.

"To talk to James" Kendall said whilst ignoring Dak's burning gaze.

"Well, talk" Dak hissed as he gently grabbed James's shaking hand.

"Alone" Kendall added.

"No way in hell" Dak protested with a low growl.

"It's fine Dak, he won't hurt me" James finally looked up at Dak as he stood up and gently unhooked his hand from him.

"But babe…"

"I'll be right back" James said as he followed Kendall to the school's music room.

"Okay, um talk"

"Actually, I brought you here to sing you a song." Kendall said shyly as he avoided James's gaze.

"I didn't know that you sing"

"There's a lot you don't know about me." Kendall breathed out and started strumming his guitar.

I want what I can't have

I wanna make you mine

I don't care what it takes

I'm fearless with my heart

I'll take it any place

I don't care if it breaks

I wanna tell you things

I never tell myself

These secrets hurt like hell, oh

Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely

Out of my mind but it'll never faze me

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

I'm a rebel even if it's trouble

I'ma pull you out from the rubble

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

Tell me I'm wrong

Turn around and run

Still I'm gonna save my heart for you

I know you want me too

Even if it's not now

I'm gonna wait it out

But don't you dare forget

That moment that we had

I know we both felt it

I wanna tell you things

I never tell myself

These secrets hurt like hell, oh

Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely

Out of my mind but it'll never faze me

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

I'm a rebel even if it's trouble

I'ma pull you out from the rubble

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

Tell me I'm wrong

Turn around and run

Still I'm gonna save my heart for you

Oh oh

Oh oh

I wanna tell you things

I never tell myself

These secrets hurt like hell, oh

The first time that you smiled

So shyly back at me

I couldn't help myself

Call me crazy, maybe I'm insanely

Out of my mind but it'll never faze me

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

I'm a rebel even if it's trouble

I'ma pull you out from the rubble

If I have to, I'm not afraid to

Save my heart for you

Tell me I'm wrong

Turn around and run

Still gonna save my heart for you

Tell me I'm wrong

Turn around and run

Still gonna save my heart for you

Oh oh

I want what I can't have

I gonna make you mine

No matter what it takes

"K-Kendall." James whimpered as tears started flowing freely down his flawless complexion.

"Please James, don't cry" Kendall whispered as he cautiously wiped away James's tears.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want me?" James could practically hear his heart in his ear as he tried to avoid Kendall's mesmerizing green eyes.

"Because I love you." Kendall confessed again.

"Don't say that, you don't. No one does." James replied smoothly ignoring the heartache.

"But I do, I'm sorry I mistreated and hurt you. I really am, I was just afraid." Kendall whispered the last part almost pathetically as he let his eyes wonder around the music room.

"Of what?" James suddenly raised his voice and regretted it immediately when he saw the hurt look on Kendall's face.

"Rejection and disowning…"

"D-Disowning?" James questioned as he remembered his own experience with how disowning felt like. He doesn't want anyone to go through what he went through. He has to stop Kendall from coming out of the closet.

"My parents would kick me out if they ever learn that I'm gay." Kendall said as his emerald eyes met James's hazel ones.

"I understand." James assured him with a strong tone.

"You do?" Kendall questioned, confusion adorning his features._ What the hell does James mean?_

"Yeah." James said with a sad voice, swallowing the lump in his throat willing himself not to shed more tears.

"James, I'm not asking you to leave Dak for me but please say that you at least love me, please. Give me a reason to fight for."

"I can't say that."

"Why? Why can't you?" Kendall said as he cupped James's face.

"Because love doesn't exist, don't you get it Kendall? It's all a lie. There's no such thing as love. You're maybe fooled by it but I'm not. I don't believe in love, at least not anymore." James whisper-yelled, surprising Kendall with his sudden outburst.

"I'm not a fool James, I know it exists because I've seen it and I'm going to make you believe in love again even if it's the last thing that I do." Kendall said with a warm smile as he sealed his promise with a soft kiss on James's lips.

"What the fuck?" A familiar voice suddenly shouted.

**AN: Hello there, sorry for not updating this story for such a long time.**

**Don't be mad at me because it's my birthday. I'm twenty babes ;)**


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